Monday, November 21, 2016

Monday Analysis: Property Shame

Subtitle: Are you taking the P**s?

In the shortlist of hated or might I say distrusted professions Estate Agents i.e. people who help you buy or sell your property are up there with the worst.

Marcus has now spent over 6 months searching for the next property to move into and it is time to start documenting some of the biggest fails that we have come across.

It is a sort of comedy catharsis  because thus far our search has not been successful.

Who are you to tell me anything?
Many Estate Agents don't take the time to understand that when Marcus and Agata investigate a topic we go into it with 110% commitment  [I'm using the footballer scale here]

- We do the research
- I mean we really do the research
- I mean Agata has spent not just tens or hundreds but over 1000 hours researching the possibilities
- The areas, rainfall charts, security, sunlight, aspects, resale value, flood risks, chav-ability, snoot-ability, (the neighborhood).
- We remain open to new ideas of course, but telling us a basic fact about the area, or about the construction of a building is unlikely to result in a 'Eureka moment' for us

Why Compromise?
Finding a new property usually involves a compromise.  Firstly if you are buying as a couple there may be some differences between you.  Example:

Agata insists on some sort of view.  Example:  Your apartment windows only look out to other apartments or walls.  No deal.

Marcus insists that a minimum Internet Connection of 30Mbps is provable and that ideally it would be > 150Mbps.  And by the way, that is the smallest fraction of our current speed in Switzerland

No Specifics Just Yet
The Next time we get a spectacularly bad experience either materially or via un-professionalism of parties involved, there will be photographs, and names!  Until then think about

- Who don't take the time to understand our needs
- Don't arrive on time or at all to the viewing
- Show basic lack of knowledge of the property we view
- Don't have the keys to get into the Property
- We just cant tell you the Room Dimensions sorry
- Or the Area of the Property, or supply a floorplan
- Don't have a business card and/ or won't leave us a contact phone / email address.
- Go with unconvincing, make it up as they go along, explanations for questions that have factual answers
- Promise a follow up call but never bother
- Promise follow up answers but never bother
- Leave your viewing early to go to somebody else
- Take other calls whilst in your viewing
- Belittle us in respect of budget
- Give us contrary expectations of price trends to push towards a sale

For Our Part
- We know our Budget
- We tell you honestly we are Cash Buyers ready to buy now
- We'll view the property and only ask for more information that we can't establish for ourselves
- We exactly know about quality construction methods for household equipment, flooring, heating techniques.  As Engineers we will tell you: Please don't give us any shit!
- Within 7 days we'll always tell you directly if we are no longer interested.  We commit to not keep you hanging on

So yes, we are still looking, but watch out crapsters, we plan to tell on you.

AC: Dirty Deeds