Saturday, November 22, 2014

Sunday Sermon: The very Abbreviated Bible







Prologue
Not all of us have had the time to read the Bible.  Of course it is actually a good read, although if you want to ignore many of the ugly parts  and use it more as a moral text I would sincerely recommend 

The Jefferson Bible


But if you just want an overview, here is one from Reddit



GENESIS
God: All right, you two, don't do the one thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys
THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won't do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys
THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the Son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don't do the things anymore.
Healed people: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We've never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other people: We're going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn't do the things.
Other people: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys
PAUL'S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love Him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.
PAUL'S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys
REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back, there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.
THE END
Wow, guys. Thanks for the gold, the kind words, and the upvotes!