This page is a live reflection on my attempts to find a decent job with a decent employer. My expectations are low but include:
- A manager and Infrastructure that cares or at least makes some vague attempt to care
- Flexible working hours and the ability to work from home, so long as I can do this productively
- Part of a technical team which is not so stressed and understaffed that a shit, botched job is all we can ever hope to achieve
- Somewhere where I get the time to document things properly (so for example if I leave you have some chance of understanding what I did and why)
- An environment where time wasters, wafflers, bullshitters are not just sidelined but fired. These buggers dilute the companies effectiveness, and are necessarily supported by people who really do care and work hard
- A proximate canteen at a decent price. A rule that states that a daily 2 hour offsite business lunch is unacceptible. And that scammers that actually charge this as working time should be instantly let go.
Overheard at the Water Cooler, but not by me of course:-
“Good place to work if you do not care about money, recognition, work/life balance and career opportunities.” Current Employee in Zürich (Switzerland). Pros: Extremely process-oriented (most of the times in a positive way), it is a good place to gain a valuable work experience for someone who is just starting his career. Cons: No benefits whatsoever (no health insurance contribution, no company car, no free meals, no free coffee), absolute lack of recognition (both monetary and non-monetary), ridiculous annual salary increases that do not even compensate for inflation, unbearable level of pressure and controls on discretionary spending, very little respect for work/life balance (work@home is encouraged but at the same time employees are requested to be available well beyond normal business hours). Base compensation is well below average. Career opportunities are almost non-existing also for top performers, since the organization is getting flatter and flatter and the few good opportunities are permanently taken by the usual suspects. Advice to Senior Management: Management at country level is absolutely powerless on compensation, benefits and recognition policies so there is nothing they can do to improve any of the negative aspects above.
Here we go:
20130430: Oh Mary
20120814 I love ebay but
20120507 Permanent jobs eh!
20120308 Insurance representative
20120202 Yes sure, I give your free reign to blat my CV across to anybody you fancy
20120202 I need a degree to work at the Apple Store
20120124 75K in the US no academic qualifications reqd?
20111005: Must buy a Mac to do job!
Please let us never be so desperate that we will ever need to take any of the wonder opportunities presented to me seriously:
20110426 Another Crap Offer
I did not need that job too much Anyway
If you feel the job is not for you but are worried they might offer it to you anyway, you can try these put down tactics towards the interviewer:
-”…stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.”
-”She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.”
-”A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”
-”…asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.”
-”… announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.”
-”Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.”
-”Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.”
-”When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.”
-”At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.”
-”…pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.”
-”Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.”
-”While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.”
-”During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.”
-”A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: ‘Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?’ I said, ‘I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.’ He promptly responded, ‘I am as long as you’ll pay me more.’ I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.”
-”His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.”
-”Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.”
-”…asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.”
-”Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch, and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.”