One of my most favourite managers tasked me a very cool daily job.
Go to the internet, Find todays Dilbert. Print it out and attach to the team door.
How cool a manager was that! In his honour I have found a collection of Scott Adams Dilbert quotes that should keep you smiling all day
2004-01-30 The goal of public relations is to taint the jury pool. We’ll show that the victims had it coming.
2004-02-02 Excuse me while I beat myself with my keyboard.
2004-02-04 Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire.
2004-02-05 Never listen to your customers. They were dumb enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility.
2004-02-12 I’m a writer for “Morons on Parade” magazine.Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
2004-02-13 You made the cover of “Morons on Parade.”
2004-02-22 GAAA!!! My despair has turned into a searing psychological pain!!! OW! OW! OW!
2004-03-04 The new dress code is “winged monkey.”
2004-03-08 This week I achieved unprecedented levels ofunverifiable productivity. I made phone calls, builtconsensus, displayed leadership, attended meetings and set priorities.
2004-04-07 I’ve added mumbling and peevishness to mywork-avoidance arsenal. I get the benefits of appearingknowledgeable without the burden of sharing.
2004-04-12 The association of doughnut makers asked me toprove that skinny people can’t go to heaven.
2004-05-24 Our office was designed with the science of fengshui.
2004-05-29 If we skip design, prototype, testing and manufacturing, we can afford the product recall.
2004-06-03 The Fertiliar
2004-06-04 I summon the dark demon of ineffectivemanagement to smite the person who wants this decision!!!
2004-06-07 I declare this a pants-optional zone.
2004-06-11 May I point out that he has never producedanything except arrogance and noise?
2004-06-19 A death spiral goes clockwise north of theequator.
2004-06-20 The whatchamacallit has to be whatever or else the whosits will go hey-hey.
2004-06-20 I love my coworkers, until they talk.
2004-07-13 You’re not allowed to lie, but I expect plentyof omissions, misdirections, exaggerations, unjustified optimism, lost documents, unclear explanations, gray areas and tactical ignorance.
2004-07-19 Allow me to respond by hacking a hairball inyour direction.
2004-07-27 It’s multi-level marketing plus a diet plan suggested by the bible!
2004-08-05 My voice mailbox is full, and my spam filter rejects all incoming e-mail. As soon as I build up a goodload of ear wax, I’ll be off the grid.
2004-08-14 Were you correct that your superior intelligence makes you a superb negotiator?
2004-08-15 That’s our insurance company. They’ve beenjumpy lately.
2004-08-22 M.T.T.S.F. — Mean Time To Story Failure
2004-08-26 I always wondered what efficiency looked like.
2004-08-27 When I said cheaper, I meant more fun.
2004-08-28 Now if you’ll excuse me, I feel a nap coming on.
2004-09-06 Before you decide, look at this DVD titled, “Is Bribery Right for You?” The narrator might refer to you by name when she dances.
2004-09-16 If you hire me, I will use my enormous brain to develop world-changing products. I require no pay and nocubicle. I will eat used paper, and cling to the ceiling.
2004-09-18 I’m having an unpleasant realization.
2004-09-23 Sometimes I have naughty thoughts during workhours. Should I reimburse the company for lost productivity?
2004-10-19 Is it possible that I’m oblivious to my effecton others?
2004-10-20 I’ll pair you with someone whose social defectwill cancel out your own.
2004-10-22 Can a business-led project management process optimize our strategic core issues?
2004-10-23 It’s his own fault for not paying me enough toafford entertainment.
2004-10-27 Do you want the simple but misleadingexplanation or the one you won’t understand?
2004-10-28 Something that you could never comprehend conflicts with something that you’d never understand.
2004-11-01 How about a nanotechnology stem cell forfighting terrorists?
2004-11-03 My philosophy is that anything worth doing isworth delaying.
2004-11-08 Once you embrace the idea that your customersdeserve to die… it frees your mind to invent splendidlyprofitable products.
2004-11-09 Warning! This product will kill you but that’sokay because it tastes great!
2004-11-12 Now rationalize your decision, you mindless pinkrobot!
2004-11-14 This one goes in the scrapbook.
2004-11-20 Your biggest defect continues to be your inability to handle criticism. And you argue with people who are much smarter than yourself.
2004-11-21 I wonder if it’s called whistling when only aircomes out.
2004-11-29 Call me shallow, but I enjoy getting paid forother people’s inventions.
2004-12-13 I’m going to ram my fist down your throat, grabyour pants and turn you inside out.
2004-12-25 Do you want the ten-minute explanation of whythe data are useless, or a simple “here you go”?
2004-12-27 My philosophy is that anything worth doing istoo hard.
2004-12-27 A character flaw isn’t a philosophy.
2004-12-30 Do you have any more questions like that one?